Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome. I quit you.
You have given me two premature girls. And you have taken two of my premature boys.
I hate you.
My most wonderful peri, Dr. L, visited me in the hospital four days after sweet Peighton was born. He was so excited for us...and he wanted to hear all the details. Seriously, I am going to miss this man a lot. You see a doctor every week for months and you're bound to miss him. Especially if you really like him and he was a big ingredient in the safe and healthy delivery of your baby.
Anyways, I digress.
After explaining to him
what happened on Saturday and how quick my labor was despite getting a negative FFN (yes, that meant I had a .01% chance of delivering in 14 days) he felt confident in saying that I had another abruption. My OB did not see one at delivery. But Dr. L felt sure that on my placenta pathology report that something would come up...that something was wrong with my placenta.
And then when I told him that Peighton's growth had dropped off from the 76th percentile to the 39th percentile and he was even more sure. Apparently, growth restriction is one major side effect or key factor in someone with a clotting disorder such as mine. I did not know this. But I do know that on Saturday when she was only measuring 30 weeks that
something was wrong. She had measured 30 weeks almost 3 weeks prior. So in essence, she didn't grow at all. And being that she had measured 2.5 weeks ahead my entire pregnancy and that they suspected I had gestational diabetes because she was so big, I just knew something wasn't right.
And I was right. Mother's intuition is an amazing thing.
She needed to be born as my placenta was not holding up as well as it should have been doing. And the path report I read late last week confirmed what Dr. L had said. I did have an abruption. It was bigger than my prior ones.
Peighton needed to be born. And so while I hate that my body couldn't hold out...I hate that I will never experience a term delivery...I am just so thankful she is here. Safe. Healthy. One of the biggest reasons I went into the hospital on Saturday was because I just felt like my baby needed to be monitored. I was scared to death of a placental abruption that would result in my babies death. I needed to be sure she was okay.
And she wasn't. But she is now.
So in spite of my disappointment and anger, sadness and frustration I just have to remind myself that she is only here by the grace of God. Pre-term labor at 20 weeks and I made it to 31 weeks. I know it's something to be happy about and believe I am. But there is this part of me that is sad, that is grieving...for the full-term baby I'll never experience. But I'll count my blessings otherwise and try not to dwell to much on what I don't have or what I'll never experience....because I have this sweet girl who is the bookend to our family.
I left the NICU today and a 24 weeker was being transported in. That could have been me. Wait, that was me. Two 23 weekers. My heart breaks for that family and so tears of joy flooded my face today as I looked at sweet Peighton. A precious girl who
almost didn't make it.
But she's here. And we are soaking her up. Counting our blessings despite our losses.
Yes, that's right. 
